Yesterday morning right when I woke up I was thinking life sucks, it’s so unfair. My body was so sore, my arm hurt from the chemo chemicals so much that I wake up almost every night with pain in it, my joints ache and I am so tired and fatigued that I go to sleep every night at 8 pm and cannot sleep because of insomnia. I so wanted to rant about the unfairness of it all. But…
But as I started to say it in my mind it just didn’ t feel that strong. I can definitively complain, don’ t get me wrong. I don’t hold back, no way, but I just didn’t feel the strength behind the words.
And then I walked my little guy to his daycare. As we are walking we are talking. “Look at the cat. It has to be careful out here. Make sure it won’t get lost,” I say. “Yesh” answers my little guy. ” And look, it’s so cold but the sun is shining. And that’s a big car, right.” I won’ t stop describing things we go and see everywhere. My little “yesh” man nods wisely and sometimes says his favorite word. “Yesh, mama, yesh.”
At the daycare I can see my little guy’s mind is already with his tiny friends. He lies like a sack of potatoes on my lap. I take off his jacket, then his pants…one leg out, the other too, hat thrown on a floor. Mama I have to go, his body says. “Kiss goodbye.” I remind him. Off he goes. And then in the middle he turns around and looks at me, waves with his little hand and says. “Goodbye mama!”
My life doesn’t suck and it’s not unfair. I have so much love around and so many people to love, my life is full.